LORDI – SEXORCISM
If you like your rock music dumb, fun, loaded with puns and dripping with cum, then lordy do we have the album for you (if you’ll pardon the, er, pun). Yes, Lordi – those monster-suit-wearing, Eurovision-decimating, horror movie-loving hellions are back in 2018 with album number nine, if you can believe it, a cheerful mash up of sex, gore, creepiness and sex called Sexorcism.
Somewhat surprisingly (especially for those who hadn’t heard of them before their aforementioned Eurovision victory in 2006), Lordi have been around since 1992 as a solo project for now frontman Mr Lordi. Eventually he began gathering other band members, although it took until 2002 until their first album – Get Heavy – was released. Since then, they’ve reliably churned out an album roughly every two years, straddling the boundary between hard rock, heavy metal and gory horror with ease.
The beautiful thing about Lordi is their simplicity. So, when an album is titled Sexorcism, and contains tracks such as ‘The Beast Is Yet To Cum’ and ‘Naked In My Cellar’, you know they’re not making obscure, vague social commentary about Trump, or politics, or the environment: they really are singing about ejaculating, or keeping a woman in their basement. In this often overly complicated world, that really is reassuring, isn’t it?
In fact, the rampant (ahem) focus on sex hits you right in the ears from the opening title track, a wholesome little ditty about a priest attempting to perform an exorcism on a nubile young woman; think ‘The Exorcist’, but with a Playboy bunny playing Regan. From its sexually explicit lyrics (“Blaspheming her from within, she’s about to come…out”) to its catchy as Hell chorus and rather European power metal feel, it’s a brilliant way to pin the album’s flag to the mast.
That ‘tongue firmly in cheek’ stance pervades the album like a smutty, B-grade horror movie. From the Eighties hair metal power ballad ‘Your Tongue’s Got the Cat’, which is either a dedication to a beloved pet or, er, something else…to the creepy, carnival-like ‘Naked In My Cellar’ and the gleefully insane ‘Rimskin Assassin’, Mr Lordi and co alternatively delight and cheerfully gross out the listener; songwriter Mr Lordi really does have a way with words (“I want you to be my pet” he slavers at some unfortunate female during ‘Sodomesticated Pet’, while “the Devil will still have his fun” from ‘The Beast Is Yet To Cum’, which also starts with choral singing and sex noises, frankly sums the album up perfectly).
Speaking of the Devil: he pops up (fnar) now and again, particularly in tracks such as ‘Hell Has Room’ and ‘Hot and Satanned’, the latter of which a hilarious tale of a bullied girl coming back to life thanks to Satan and kicking righteous ass. His voice is also heard in the short bridging track ‘SCG9 – the Documented Phenomenon’, during which we hear the priest trying to talk to Anna, the haunted girl from the opening track (her possession is rather gruesomely/amusingly told in previous track ‘Polterchrist’).
After all of that insane carnival carnality, it’s actually final number ‘Haunting Season’ that is the true highlight. Featuring a suitably haunting intro, ominous church bell outro and the best vocal harmonies on the album, especially during the epic chorus, it smacks of mid-Eighties Judas Priest or Helloween: that growling riff; those swirling synths! – and is a real headbanger in the most literal sense of the word. As fun as the rest of the album is, this song makes you yearn slightly for a more serious and focused Lordi – with ideas coming from their brain, rather than the ‘main brain’, as it were.
That aside, it’s clear that Sexorcism is Lordi firing on all cylinders, ready to f**k things up, literally and figuratively. The musicianship is rock solid, with some fierce solos included, as well as mightily impressive drumming (particularly during the stomping ‘Romeo Ate Juliet’), and some brilliantly bonkers keyboard playing from recent recruit Ms. Hella. If sex, blood and rock n roll ain’t your thing, this is not the album for you. If it is then this will be right up your street, for Lordi are the kings of splatterfest metal. Buy it; you won’t regret it.
Sexorcism is out on AFM Records on May 25th.
Review by Melanie Brehaut
LORDI – SEXORCISM
Mr. Lordi (vocals), Mr. Amen (guitars), Mr. Ox (bass), Mr. Mana (drums), Ms. Hella (keyboards)
Your Tongue's Got The Cat
Romeo Ate Juliet
Naked In My Cellar
The Beast Is Yet To Cum
SCG9: The Documented Phenomenon
Slashion Model Girls
Hell Has Room
Hot & Satanned
Review by Melanie Brehaut